From My Heart

My heart is full today; full of gratitude for so many blessings in my life; full of sadness for friends who are enduring incredibly hard times; full of desire to reach out to all who are important in my life to somehow share my blessings, lighten their burdens.

I like to think that I inherited my sense of wanting to give to others from my mother, who would quite literally give you the shirt off her back; if I complimented her on a new dress or new sweater, her response - UNFAILINGLY - was: "Oh let me give it to you - it will look so much better on you!" I became quite hesitant to give her compliments, lest I leave her homeless and unclothed on the street through her desire to give to others rather than to take from anyone. Obviously, that last sentence is an exaggeration, but not by much as those who knew my mom would attest.

What is that elusive factor that fills some hearts with bitterness, and others with joy; some with stinginess, others with overflowing generosity?   The simple answers would be that these are learned emotions, learned responses based on our experiences; yet I know many people who have shared similar experiences and have incorporated those experiences into their lives, their beings, their personalities and their hearts in very different ways, so I think that is too simplistic an answer. 

My mother had a rough childhood, lost her entire immediate family in WWII, nearly lost her own life to typhoid fever, began rebuilding her life in the DP (deported persons) camps in Germany following WWII, then continued to develop a new life in an unfamiliar language in an unfamiliar country (the USA), with nothing but the clothes on her back, her husband's support, and two babies in arms. Yet she continually showered those around her with love and generosity.  Granted, that caring sometimes came with some strings attached; she had lost so much in her life that she was sometimes hesitant to let go, to turn control over to others, but the remarkable thing to me was her unparalleled capacity for love, for caring, for giving.  I miss my daily contact with her, her interest in how her grandchildren are faring, her presence in our home, our gardens, our lives. 

I sometimes joke with my sons, niece and nephew that I am "channeling" their grandmother, but in fact,    

I hope and trust that I have inherited some of her tremendous capacity for for loving, and for giving, for the capacity to empathize, to serve others, to care.